Fear

I haven't been on here for a while. It's not because i ain't had much to say - in fact, I've had plenty to say. It's just that I've felt unwilling to share. Scratch that. More accurately, I've been afraid. Not sure of what. It could be of anything that could occur anywhere along the spread from the action of conception of an individual blog, to you reading my wavering thoughts of the past weeks or so. But i feel that despite being unable to define and place the fear, i can be certain that wherever it lands it is misplaced. Fear so often is.

We like to rationalize fear. You know, frame it outside misguided superstition and rename to ourselves as something far more rational. That way we can live solid in the personal knowledge that we are beyond and above the average member of the masses. Whereas they are held back by irrationality and poor judgment, the leash on our spirit is infact something more profound - good judgment. or shall i say, pre-judgement. The reason i do not wish to jump from that aeroplane is due my understanding of gravity, mass, kinetic energy, stopping point and catastrophe. Nothing at all to do with a personal deficiency to free-falling and propensity towards vertigo.

Bullshit

Wait, let me say that again:

BULLSHIT

How could you possibly believe that riding a huge wave on the most delicate of fiberglass surfboards will automatically mean death by drowning. Sure it has happened to others exactly that way, but not to you. Why are you so certain that your lover will leave you? Because the others whom have come before walked that very way? Well this particular lover hasn't. Certainly not from you anyway. And to make that leap from that dreary office job just crushing every ounce of light you feel you could give back to this dark planet, why does this scare you so? You haven't left it yet, so there's no way you could be so certain that it will end with you crawling back for employment redemption.

My point is (to quote that hideous tourism commercial from my youth); "you'll never, never know, if you never, never go". So therefore, how could you really be certain of how badly things are going to go? Your supposed rational and extreme use of such even-keeled foresight is simply fear. Fear is an emotion and as such, free from logic. It's a feeling that just fills you and it's a feeling that can and will simply leave you.

So just let the fuck go.

Get on your page and write what you want. There's no need to be afraid of what she might read, what she might misinterpret, what she may get offended by. Cause you just don't know. Fear is simply my way of preventing myself from having to react to a reaction.

I'm over it.

React away.





"What drives me to you, is what drives me insane"

Bob Dylan & Jacques Levy, 'Isis'