'Wonder Boys' was released in 2000 and is a film based on the novel by Michael Chabon. I've never read the book. In fact, I've never read any of his work, though lately quite a few folk have recommended The Yiddish Policeman's Union to me, so perhaps soon enough I will take up the weight of direction and read the man's work. I’ve never seen the film either. Well, that’s not true. I have seen virtually every scene and heard nearly every line of dialogue. To be entirely accurate, what I should have said was that I’ve never seen the film in it's entirety IN ONE SITTING. Over the past decade, I reckon it's at least a dozen times that I have turned on a TV and landed somewhere along the 111 minutes that the film runs for.
This method of staccato observational visual intake does not lead to a great appreciation and understanding of the movie's central themes, characters and counter-plots. Nor does it lend itself to the experience of simply enjoying this or any film. All I have been able to take in and away from the Curtis Hanson directed feature, is that Michael Douglas is a louche, creative writing professor, or some such thing, who wears a dapper pair of eye-glasses and a funky, warm looking scarf. I also have the faded memory of Robert Downey being gay and Tobey McGuire smoking a joint. And there's snow. Yeah, there's definitely snow. That's it. That's about all i got.
Actually, there is one more defining association i have with Wonder Boys - Bob Dylan. Bob Dylan did an original song for the movie. He won an Academy Award for it, I believe. The song was called 'Things Have Changed'. Great song. Great, laid-back, dusty, acoustic Americana thing with a dash of Latin flavour to it. Like most Dylan songs, the music pulls you in and the lyrics grab you around the base of the neck and sit you down on your arse. Each chorus ends with the line:
"I used to care, but things have changed."
My first reaction to hearing this lyric was - 'How cool! I hope to be able to deliver that line one day. I hope that one day I can proclaim that statement out to the universe and really mean it.'
Not an entirely sane reaction, I know. The line is supposed to be a desperate cry of desperation. Why would I want to feel such a pit of emotional resolution? Well, I don't see that line that way. Yeah, sure it's an announcement of defeat, a kind of throwing one’s hands up in the air. As if to say: "You know what? You win. I give up. Let what will be, be. I used to give a shit about you or whether this boat stays afloat or where this road ends and if your business doesn't go under or looking clean and freshly shaven. But now, I don’t! Do whatever. I used to care, but things have changed."
But I don’t think that’s all that bad. You gotta pick your battles in life. Sometimes you just gotta give in to the limitations of you will, skill and flow and just accept the reality. However, there's nothing pleasant about coming to such a realisation. It's a pure and stark reminder of the mortality of us mortals (That’s the second 'Double-Up for those of you keeping score at home. "Desperate cry of desperation" being the other). One needs a strong antidote to this pit of depression. Something effective, fast acting and instantly available. A solution that washes away the constricts of the demotivating grip and presents a context that make life palatable and worthy again.
Shouting out that line is precisely that release. It is. The reasons are vast and many, but I don't need to lay them out for you, for the proof is in the pudding. Try it. Seriously. I don't know if you're at home now, or on your iPhone, or scoofing down a quick lunch in the little office upstairs, but give it a go. Imagine someone or something that defeated you lately. Could be an ex-boyfriend, that dickhead writing out the Parking Ticket, the rain falling on your beachside wedding or the £100 you lost in the gym the other day. Got it? Ok, now yell it loud, roll it out evenly or mutter it under your breath.
"I used to care, but things have change."
Feels good, doesn't it? Well, it would if you actually did it, instead of just rushing through to the next paragraph, but anyways....
We just hired a new Head Chef at the restaurant. He cares. Completely. He even cares more than the people who pay him to care, actually care themselves. He cares about the quality food on the plate. He cares about the seasonality of what he sells. Her cares about efficiency, honesty and the enjoyment of those around him. He cares about who sells the cheapest wholesale spatchcocks in London. He cares about writing a menu that actually tailors to the target demographic customer and aims to grow the business. He also cares about riding his bike in the snow, wearing shorts everyday and playing tackle ruby with his brothers back in New Zealand. For some reason, he even cares about being mentioned in this blog. (In case you haven't picked up on it yet Steve, here’s your wish - I’m 'mentioning' you now. He is from New Zealand, so probably needs this pointed out to him. They're a bit slow out there.)
He is nothing like the Dylan song. In fact he is much more like the title and first track off Faith No More's seminal debut album - 'We Care a Lot'. Do you find such incessant caring to be inspiring? I don't. Don't get me wrong, I like the guy. I think what he does and how he goes about it is admirable, honest and very likable. But it's not inspiring. I used to care. I used to be like you. I used to believe in that place. Not for a long time, true, however I was 'into it' totally. But things have changed. I have changed. Circumstances have changed. The job has changed. Now I just don't care.
Man, it feels good to say that. It's not necessarily aimed at my employer, though there are 'issues' there. No, this is more about the man I’m becoming. The character that I’m currently morphing into. 'The Road', as I so often refer to it, is where I am most happy. Away, alone, focused on the directional goal in the distance and moving. Always moving. The only way one can care is if they look back. If they think back or remember back or re-experience back there. Caring is an emotion that gathers like a snowball rolling down The Alps. It needs the weight of repetition and familiarity to grow. How much do you care about that sweater you bought yesterday? Surely it's not as much as the old netball uniform you don't wear anymore, but has been hanging in a closet at your Mum’s since high-school. That’s because it's been around longer. Your care-factor has grown layers in this time.
Out here, I don't look back as much as used to. I don’t repeat as much as I used to. I have a home and people back there that I love and I hope that one day we will all be able to take each other back into each other's hearts. But for now, things have changed. Gotta keep moving. Gotta get moving. Not to get away. Not to run away. Not to escape something behind, but to discover something ahead. Movement is life and The Road is its IV Drip.
I used to not be aware of this, but things have changed.
