I was going to wait until tomorrow, but a bit of Britpop on the iPod has fueled me. Here's the second half, freshly minted.
(if you are reading this one first, skip to the one below it and then return to this one second.)
hershatlarge
I'll tell you how much: Everything.
Personally, I'm willing to give everything. Not because it's that important; nor because I'm the sort that is prepared to risk all; nor because I need your love beyond the reasonable level of desperation; nor because I've put you up on a proverbial pedestal and feel that the corresponding, perceived, example of perfection that I see you as, requires the highest price it's possible to be paid, in order to deserving of you; nor because a shortage of love provided during adolescent years, has resulted in a great fear of rejection and as such, I am afraid to let even the smallest spark fade out, for it brings up and out all those old, dark corners of depression; nor because your smile is my muse; nor because I'm too tired to do anything but lay my head down on your soft pillow.
These statements may all be variously true, however they aren't the reason that I would give everything. I'd give everything, for you'd give the same back. Surely? No? Wouldn't you just provide in quid pro quo, what your beloved has provided for you and I'd never feel the vacuum, the space, the void left by what has left me for you, for it would be equally filled up by what you gave back me in return.
If I believed in you, you'd believe in me. If I cared for your pain, you'd care for mine. If I eased your burden, you'd be happy to lighten my load. If I celebrated your highs, you'd toast to my victories. If I plotted to your future, you'd help me map out my next step. If walked your dog, you'd feed my cat. If flew out to you, you'd drive all night just to see me. If I bought the wine, you'd bring the cheese. If I alleviated your pains, you'd shine a healing torch on mine. If I held your hair back, you'd wipe my brow. If I risked rejection, you'd face your own fears. If I baked you a birthday cake, you'd blow out my candles. If I keep silent on what she said to you, you'd ask her to never speak of me again. And if I wrote dark and witless blogs, you would respond.
Surely? No?
That's what love is. There's The Give, but there's also The Take. there's The Sacrifice of Self and a giving up and over of one's own turf, but there is also a provider and a supporter, standing on the other side of the phone. It's a circle, that cannot and does not stop. There's constant flux in the exchange and exchanging. So much so, that at any one time, it's impossible to tell who is giving up what, and who is the one receiving.
Until it doesn't. Until it doesn't feel like a circle anymore. Until it pauses, stops, breaks or just runs out. Until then, it's love.
So I'm just gonna get ready to give everything. I want my circle up and running straight away. I'm ready.
How about you?
