I live in an aluminum half boatshed. I eat panadols three at a time and drink sharp mineral water. I fall in love when I shouldn't and only take intimacy in ounce shots when I should. I report on places I'm not in and tell stories that you think are true. I find hope and lose guitar picks and take time and miss calls and respond out of order. And I'm lucky. Luckier than you. For sure.
I like accents. I like it when there is a disconnect between what is being said and the accent it is being delivered in. Like a French person dropping Australian slang, but slower and rounder and more romantic than we would spit out the same phrase or shortened word. If I didn't want to be the sort of writer that I now don't want to be, I would have written that I like it when there is a "dissonance to the delivery". But I don't want to be that sort of writer. And I don't want to put a baby in your guts. And I don't want to know what your dietary requirements are. And I don't want to pretend to care.
Sometimes, when it is warm enough, I swim laps and other times. when it is too cold, I self-loath. On Mondays I can't be found. I'm not lost. I just can't be found. In the mornings I write better and faster but then in the evenings I have to edit and fix what was written. So maybe I should only write in the afternoon and strike a balance between the two. Eliminate the double-handling.
I watch the basketball and bet on the football. I also watch the football and bet on the basketball. I know this upsets certain people. Not the betting or the watching. They get upset when I put the word 'the' before the words 'basketball' or 'football'. I do enjoy that this upsets them, but mainly I just think it sounds better to say "the football".
Dust is also what offsets and rises up when I ramble on down the road. Especially a dusty one. If I was a lazier writer than I am, I could have said that dust is a symptom of the road like a sneeze is to the flu. But that's lazy and I hate that kind of writing. I hate similes. I hate it most when writers use them in such self-congratulatory ways. Like when as you are reading the sentence and you can imagine and feel them sitting in a dark room in front of an retro-fitted, mechanical typewriter and patting themselves on the back for how clever and erudite they are. I also hate the way the word itself looks:
Similie
It should be spelled:
Symonly
See, doesn't that look better? If it were spelled like that I might hate it less.
On my way to work, I see at least three skinny white dudes who look exactly like Jesse Pinkman. They are usually on the train. They wear baseball caps and scruffy beards and are always chewing gum. I don't know if they say "yo" a lot. I always have my earphones in when I'm on a train, so I can't hear them. I need to have my earphones in. Even if i'm not playing music, I still jam them snug, warm and tight into my ears. It's safer. I feel safer on a train if I have them in.
I am trying to stop being one of those people who text and walk down the street at the same time. I think that is a fundamentally immoral act and something we all do we without concern for the fact that it is, in fact, fundamentally immoral. I am trying to drink more over a shorter period of time, so that when we hang out we'll have something to do. I am trying to collect less furniture and cutlery and laundry baskets, so that when I skip town just before dawn, I won't have to throw much out. I am trying to be skinnier, taller, older and less right handed. I am also trying to not tell you that I miss you.
If I get in a car I want to sit in the back seat, on the opposite side to that of the driver. This way we can talk to each other and I still have a prime view of the broken, sandstone cliffs that jag out from the edge of this shoreline road. Also, when we pull up to the curb I can step out as quickly as possible.
I go once a fortnight to the same gallery to look at the same three paintings. I know how pretentious this makes me seem. The pretension isn't my favourite part. The paintings are my favourite part. My next favourite part is the crooked and - increasingly so as they descend - warped stairs that lead to the exit and the way they remind me of the first time I took acid and ended up at The Casino. After that, my next favourite part is the cold walk across to the gallery. The pretension would be my fourth favourite part.
I ignore people who talk in half sentences. Especially the ones who start with the second half of the sentence. I would've kissed you if your bed didn't look so sad. I'm not sure you can ever wear too much black. I'm less patient with fat people. I'm often the rebound guy for a certain type of girl. I walk with a limp when I remember to. I make better coffee than ever before. I look after people to cover for how much I want to be taken care of.
I believe in Bukowski and Hollywood. I believe that necessity is the mother of all invention and that one day someone will invent a replaceable spinal column and that I will get one on a leasing deal. I believe that I will one day win the lottery. I believe that I will one day win the lottery because I deserve to. I believe that Nostalgia is the Opium of the transient. This not a simile - nor a symonly. It is a metaphor. Look it up if you need to know the difference. I also believe that 'metaphor' is goddman, beautiful looking word.
Metaphor
I drink Lillet in the morning and Rittenhouse at night. I know you are making fun of me, but because I don't respect you as an existing entity, I don't care. I love stereotypes and Holocaust jokes at the table and deciding which sibling we all don't like. I write songs and unpublished blog posts and letters. I listen to fiddle and banjo and Swedish sisters singing. I prefer a BlackBerry and san serif fonts and walking home. I pick up on strange and precise details and remember about 80-85% of them. And I'm still trying to not tell you that I miss you.
